So like any good American, I was at home the other day saying the Pledge of Allegiance while Googling how I can be an even American. Why? Because America. Anyway, I was about to Google “Why America is great,” but before I could even finish spelling the name of this alpha nation of ours, Google returned its suggestions. Number one on the list? “Why America sucks… LOL.
Not for nothing, but I LOVE Google’s suggested searches, mostly because of unintended hilarity, but it also gives a glimpse into what people are searching for. At least on Google. Maybe its user base is just hardcore anti-American.
I mean, apparently my fellow Googlers are even more concerned about America’s leftist movement than they are about America’s greatness. And even the folks who want to know why America is great don’t give an eff about it being the best. Not enough to bump American Express out of its 4th place spot anyway. Ouch.
It was at this point that I decided to dive head first into the Google suggestions rabbit hole. First I decided to replace “why” with “is”…
Then I quickly realized I’d be better off typing “America” fully because American Idol (that show’s still on?) and American Horror Story are stiff competition for the US on these interwebz. And that’s saying something because American Horror Story hasn’t even been good in a hot minute. ALSO, you know you’re not a true democracy if people have to ask. That said, what’s up with all the people asking Google if America is a country? Did they think it was a continent? A state? Perhaps a rogue nation? In a sense I suppose…
So yeah, I typed out “America” next and Google suggested…
Hmmm… people are definitely still interested in whether or not America country or a democracy (interestingly, “country” ranks ahead of “democracy” this time). Still other want to know if the US is even safe. They must be Canadian.
Well, apparently people wonder if America supports ISIS. Great. That’s just awesome. Oh, I’m sorry; you also want to know if America has a culture? How dare you! OF COURSE America has culture. It’s just heavily processed with preservatives and artificial sweeteners. Also, capitalism and guns.
Apparently someone’s concerned with who our allies are. Must be Canada.
Well, seeing as how I plan on one day making a permanent move to Sweden, I decided to flip the script. I mean, ‘Murica is the greatest country in the world, right? If people are Googling why America sucks, I couldn’t imagine what horrible searches regarding Sweden would be recommended.
Hunh… well would you look at that. “Why Sweden is the best (*gasp* a superlative!)” is listed above “Why Sweden is bad.” In fact, none of these suggestions even use “sucks” as a search term. There is, however, the matter of people asking why Sweden stinks. What’s that all about, Sweden? Is there something I should know about you? You smelled perfectly fine when I visited so you better not spring this supposed stinkiness of yours when I make a more permanent move.
Y’know, every once in a while I write a blog post where I have absolutely no idea if there’s a point. This is one of those times. I will, however, say that it’s interesting to get a sense of the perception people have of countries and people. Including the US, a sucky, culture devoid Christian nation of ISIS supporters. Possibly. At least according to Google. To be fair, I never checked out the actual search results for any of these suggestions. Except for “Is American Horror Story Hotel over”… because I totally hope it’s over. It is? No more vampire Lady Gaga? Whew, what a relief!
Wait, what was I originally searching for again?
Peace out, party people.
Previously: Love Ghostbusters 2016, You MISOGYNIST!