I dig you, Sweden. Hell, you may become my eventual home someday. No offense to the US, but a brotha is just trying to switch it up. It also doesn’t help that my fiance is here. But as much as I love you, Sweden, there are some things you can do to to put our relationship over the top. Luckily my suggestions just happen to fit within an SEO-friendly list. So here are 5 things I wish Sweden had.
- Better Pizza
Okay, you’re not making some of the world’s saddest facsimiles of pizza (I’m looking at you, California), but you still need to step that pizza game up, son. NY is arguably the pizza mecca for sure (NJ is an underrated 2nd) so I don’t expect you to contend with the G.O.A.T., but there’s nothing wrong with stealing from their playbook every once in a while. I haven’t tried every place obviously, so hopefully I’ll be proven wrong about this in the future. That said, shout out to Vespa in Lund. You guys make a solid pie.And oh yeah, stop eating pizza with a fork and knife. Yes, even in public else you’ll never know the joy of licking greasy fingers.
- Less Nazis
No Nazis would be better, but, y’know, baby steps and all that good stuff. Now I may be biased because I don’t fit their club’s… membership requirements… however, more Nazis have never been a good thing. Unless you’re a Nazi. Then I assume more Nazis is awesome for you. Either way, it’s kind of sad to see a bunch of close minded Hitler cosplayers in such a progressive country. I mean, it only took me two weeks here to see my first Nazi demonstration.To the town’s credit, they shut that nonsense down with the quickness while still allowing them to lawfully demonstrate.
The world doesn’t always have the greatest view of Americans. We’re made fun of for our poor world geography skills (some of us can’t even get our own states right on a map), we’re often seen as loud, and sometimes we’re even portrayed as racist bible thumpers.Thanks, KKK. You guys and Nazis, I swear.
That said, at least we have the sentence, “Excuse me.” in our vernacular. You could use a dose of that, Sweden. Because folks here have zero qualms with casually bumping into each other, cutting in line, or stepping on babies.
That last one was a lie, but still.
I tried apologizing to a dude for accidentally bumping into him while walking and homeboy was unfazed. He just kept on trucking. Am I the weirdo for thinking allowing everyday dickishness to pass without letting someone know you didn’t mean it kind of… I don’t know… sucks? At the very least it can be off putting.
Your skies are grey as a mofo. Are you boycotting sunshine? Let’s move on before I get depressed.
- Convenient Booze
It’s not like I’m seriously fiending for alcohol, but you know your boy gets down with a glass of wine every now and then. After all, I need a little something to take the edge off after dealing with all the Nazis and subpar pizza. So please tell me why I can only buy a bottle of Cabernet at government-owned stores, Sweden? Maybe it’s because liquor stores in Paterson are always a block corner away, but having a single resource (other than bars) to get a little saucy is disappointing.
Frank the Tank disapproves.
Peace out, party people.