Throwback Writing: The Truth Fairy

Truth Fairy


I don’t want to introduce myself. Andre was sitting around thinking up things to write about, but failed to give me a decent name. Therefore I’m not introducing myself.

Screw that.


There’s no more to see here.

The Truth Fairy

Seriously? Nice. That’s just great. Thanks, jerk.

Yes, it’s true. My name is the Truth Fairy. Lame? I’d say so. How does anyone get respect in the streets with a name like that? We’ve only just met and I can already tell you don’t respect me. It must be fantastic judging a fictional character with a name ripped from some sicko who sneaks into children’s rooms for hidden teeth and uses them for God knows what. Twenty-five cents for your trouble? I’ll be sure to try and bite into an apple with that nice shiny quarter instead of using what you stole from me. Sure, that’s an awesome guy to emulate. Not creepy or weird in the least. Not at all. Nope.

Thanks, jerk.

Unlike the Tooth Fairy I don’t have some secret fetish for nine-year-old bicuspids. Not a bit. In fact, I’m more of a hero than a fairy. A superhero at that. You see, my whole shtick is I take situations where people normally lie to each other and force them to tell the truth. That way, the true dynamic of the relationship is revealed. Normally life is littered with lies caused by the nefarious acts of my arch-nemesis, Sa…

… Santa Fraud…

Wow. And yet it’s still somehow better than the Truth Fairy.

But I digress. To demonstrate what I do, here is a new teacher at her first day in an inner-city middle school. Let’s see how she and her students interact when they can’t lie to each other.

Ms. Gobchek: Good morning class. This is 8th grade history and my name is Ms. Gobchek. Since I’m a first year teacher, I’m stuck in an unfavorable school system until I get enough experience to escape to a school in the ‘burbs.

Student 1: As hard as you try to hide that fact, it’s painfully obvious you don’t want to be here and you’re scared/disgusted by us. This is why we’ll never respect you.

Student 2: You’re definitely not the face of authority. Prepare to rethink your career, ma’am. Your job just became hell.

Ms. Gobchek: You hooligans can do what you want. I won’t try to challenge you too much as I obviously think you’re too stupid to learn. I’ll pretend to be nice so you don’t shank me while my back is turned. Just try your best not to start a riot.

Student 1: You’re just like every other shitty teacher who doesn’t really care about us.

Student 3: Way to dial it in, lady. I’ll probably threaten you at some point. The threat isn’t real. I just like to make sure you suffer for not caring about us.

Student 2: I personally don’t care about you or this school. This is a glorified prison. I wonder if your school in the “burbs” have metal detectors and security guards like we do.

Ms. Gobchek: No one cares about you because you’re all just future criminals in incubation. Give it five more years and we’ll see if you’re either alive or in prison. In any case, you’ll be out of my hair in a year. Thank you, No Child Left Behind!

Student 4: Zzzz…

Student 1: Fuck you.

Student 2: Why even bother being a teacher?

Student 1: At least Mrs. Walker cares about us. This entire year you’ll wonder why we’re quiet and polite in her class but act like, as you say, “hooligans” with you. We’re smarter than you think. We can do more. All you’re doing is perpetrating a cycle that’s designed to have us fail.

Ms. Gobchek: I’m sorry, I wasn’t paying attention. I was busy thinking about how much easier it would be to teach elsewhere. Here, have an outdated textbook and let’s start studying for the state tests. We have to pretend you’re learning something here.

Er, well that was unpleasant. It’s no wonder our kids in urban areas don’t always reach their full potential. The system has largely given up on them prematurely. Good teachers are hard to come by. Good teachers willing to reach kids who have less are even harder to come by. It’s easy to go to school systems that have the deeper pockets and resources, but are those the kids that need the most help? Don’t get me wrong; I’m in no way trying to create a divide between the have and have-nots, but there are far too many occasions when the have-nots get the shaft. A little bit of effort goes a long way, especially for those who haven’t even developed into who they really are yet.

Alright, alright. So maybe my name isn’t so bad after all. I feel like I actually got to deliver a message. Makes me feel all warm inside and whatnot. Oh hey now… what’s this? It looks like a new assignment from Andre. Seems I’ll be teaching a sex ed class. Not such a shabby promotion if I do say so myself.

The Queefster Bunny

You’ve got to be kidding me…


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