WTF, I’m Actually Lonely


What’s going on, party people. I don’t do many posts like this, but what writer doesn’t like to switch it up every once in a while?

I should be ashamed to admit this, but I’ve just guzzled a couple glasses of wine and have been stress eating lemon poppy cupcakes all Sex and the City-style.

I mean I just assume that’s what they ate. What would I know about that show?

Why am I doing this? My fiance’s visa expired and she’s on a plane back to Sweden.


Yup, that’s right, folks. I’m lonely. This didn’t even last an hour. Seriously. I don’t know what to do with myself.



HOOOOO-LEEEEEE S***. THIS is loneliness? Like, I’m not moping around, but I constantly catch myself in these sentimental moments. For example, while I was sprawled on the couch, belly filled with cupcakes and Cabernet Savignon…

I keeps it bougie, son.

…I thought to myself, what’s my fiance going to say when she sees me? And I looked at the bedroom door expecting to see her. And I saw nothing, because she’s headed back to Sweden. And I got LONELY.

HOOOOO-LEEEEEE S***. I’m NEVER lonely. Ever. That feeling, it wasn’t quite sadness. It was more like there’s a part of me MISSING. It’s a whole different level. And on that note, I never MISS anyone. Seriously. This may sound harsh to many people who read this, but if you know me at all, you know I mean no malice. But yeah, I don’t miss people. I’m cool with a lot of people but no matter how much time passes, I don’t miss anyone because I know I’ll see them eventually. If we’re cool, we’re cool for life.

Still, I miss my fiance.

Okay, let’s put the pity party on hold for a second and put a positive twist to this. I know where my future is going and who’s coming along for the ride. That’s a  lucky thing. I remember not having that, oscillating between frantically searching for love and not giving damn about it at all. I didn’t even really believe it existed. I just thought it was a word people said, because it’s more polite than saying, “I like having sex with you. And, you know, other stuff.”

Yeah, this is different. I’m ALONE.

I just dropped a piece of popcorn (yes, I’m eating popcorn too) and I rushed to pick it up because I expected the dog to grab it.

HOOOOO-LEEEEEE S***. I miss the dog too.

I’m eating because I don’t know what else to do.

I keep expecting the front door to open because she just went to the store.


Man, I wish everyone in the world is able to find what I found with my girl. For those that can relate, you already know the harsh lesson I had to learn today. When you genuinely meet your other half, the one that you love above ANYTHING else, it’s the greatest feeling in the world. But man, when that’s taken away, it’s rough. I’m happy because we have a plan to get that fiance visa, but until we’re together in the same place again, I think I’ll always be just a little bit lonely.

In other words, love is a motherf*****.

The end.

P.S. I’m giving myself two days max for this pity party and then it’s time to start making this new dream happen.

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