Daily Opinion: Florida Is the Worst State Ever

Florida gun tattoo

Florida, what’s going on?  I just read some dude called a deputy to supervise while he spanked his daughter. That alone is weird, but apparently this isn’t even uncommon. One sheriff said he participated in this wackiness twelve times.

Twelve.

Times.

Oh, that isn’t the worst of it, Florida. A few of your counties ended courthouse weddings because they weren’t cool with performing ceremonies for homosexual couples. You cited a priest for feeding homeless people. The mayor of Gainesville is a drunk driver. The former mayor of Hampton (apparently the most corrupt town in your state) was arrested for selling drugs. Houses and people fall into sinkholes. THE FORMER F**KING PRESIDENT OF MOTHERS AGAINST DRUNK DRIVING WAS ARRESTED FOR A DUI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And oh yeah, hurricanes, crazy crimes, Flo Rida, and Carrot-Top.

Dude… I think it’s time we either have an intervention or castrate your admittedly phallic-looking state from the rest of the country. I’m perfectly fine with 49 states if one of them can’t get their act together. I mean, there are quite literally too many reasons as to why you suck for me to list. I’m not even joking. I did research for this post and somehow discovered a new emotion that is equal parts disgusted and depressed.

I call this emotion “Miami.”

Peace out, party people.

Previously: Social Media Is Silly for Hating on Madonna

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