Daily Opinion: It’s Okay to Let Friendships Run Their Course

Friends

Man, it’s been a while since I wrote one of these. Let’s talk about something unrelated to global current events.

Over the last few years, I changed in some very significant ways. Many parts of me are largely unchanged, but I have a very different idea of life and my place in it than I had in, say, 2010. As such, there are people in my life who have stayed with me through these various changes, and they realize my distance isn’t me cutting them off, but rather I am just extremely focused at the moment. They know me. They trust me. I’m the same with them.

Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut……

Then I have some friends that seem to have a static idea of me. They still treat me like that super nice guy from back in the day who just needed a healthy dose of self-confidence. The same guy who would drop anything to hang out because he was just that kind of guy. That guy who had very clearly defined thoughts on life and didn’t get into crazy, abstract ideas that aren’t always easily relatable.

Most of my friends fall somewhere in between these two ends of the spectrum. For the most part, it all works out. I’m sure there are people who are wondering why I’m MIA, but I hope they can understand I’m literally starting over to build my life. It’s nothing personal; we’re still friends. I hope to catch up to you all once I can relax more.

Howeveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer……..

I know a couple people who are super negative about where I’m going in my life and how I’m doing things. Despite the fact I’m happy. Despite the fact I’m not doing anything to hurt myself or others.

Well, that’s fair; everyone is entitled to their opinion. That said, if someone’s negativity has an impact on our relationship and interactions, I don’t see a reason to be friends. Not that we can’t be cool again, but at a certain point, I don’t see the point of being friends with someone when you fundamentally have a problem with who they are as a person. In my situation, these people are (seemingly) upset with the new Andre because he’s too much of a departure from the old Andre.

Why’s he marrying a non-US citizen he only met a year ago?

What’s all this meditation crap he’s talking about?

Energy? He must be on drugs.

Ugh.

Then fine, we don’t have to be friends. I’m not angry or upset. The length of time we’ve known each other shouldn’t be a factor either. If we’re walking on two divergent paths, let’s just split. There’s nothing stopping us from converging again. I don’t have a wall up. Friendships dying isn’t a bad thing. Much like life, why does anyone assume death is some type of finale? None of us know ANYTHING past the present moment.

We can predict.

We have statistics.

We’re still just gambling, pretending certainty exists more than it actually does.

Maybe we’ll rekindle our friendship. Maybe we won’t. Either way, thank you for being an important part of my life. I, quite literally, wouldn’t be the person I am without you. However, I found my path. I wish you luck on yours, as well. Maybe we can meet up again sometime and laugh about how stupid it was that we let a silly thing like expectations affect a friendship. Until then…

Peace out, party people.

Previously: Let’s Stop Being A**holes and Start Embracing 3D Printing

The Ramblings Podcast: Episode 40 – Sex, Relationships, and 30-Year-Old Virgins

The Ramblings Podcast: Episode 40 - Sex, Relationships, and 30-Year-Old Virgins

 

Last week, my fiance and I recorded this episode where we talk about living separately again, why sex is healthy, the existence of older virgins, what makes our relationship tick, and much more!

Run time: 34:18

Download Here | iTunes | RSS Feed

Previously: Episode 39 – My Girlfriend Is a Coconut

WTF, I’m Actually Lonely

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What’s going on, party people. I don’t do many posts like this, but what writer doesn’t like to switch it up every once in a while?

I should be ashamed to admit this, but I’ve just guzzled a couple glasses of wine and have been stress eating lemon poppy cupcakes all Sex and the City-style.

I mean I just assume that’s what they ate. What would I know about that show?

Why am I doing this? My fiance’s visa expired and she’s on a plane back to Sweden.

WAHHHHH.

Yup, that’s right, folks. I’m lonely. This didn’t even last an hour. Seriously. I don’t know what to do with myself.

At.

All.

HOOOOO-LEEEEEE S***. THIS is loneliness? Like, I’m not moping around, but I constantly catch myself in these sentimental moments. For example, while I was sprawled on the couch, belly filled with cupcakes and Cabernet Savignon…

I keeps it bougie, son.

…I thought to myself, what’s my fiance going to say when she sees me? And I looked at the bedroom door expecting to see her. And I saw nothing, because she’s headed back to Sweden. And I got LONELY.

HOOOOO-LEEEEEE S***. I’m NEVER lonely. Ever. That feeling, it wasn’t quite sadness. It was more like there’s a part of me MISSING. It’s a whole different level. And on that note, I never MISS anyone. Seriously. This may sound harsh to many people who read this, but if you know me at all, you know I mean no malice. But yeah, I don’t miss people. I’m cool with a lot of people but no matter how much time passes, I don’t miss anyone because I know I’ll see them eventually. If we’re cool, we’re cool for life.

Still, I miss my fiance.

Okay, let’s put the pity party on hold for a second and put a positive twist to this. I know where my future is going and who’s coming along for the ride. That’s a  lucky thing. I remember not having that, oscillating between frantically searching for love and not giving damn about it at all. I didn’t even really believe it existed. I just thought it was a word people said, because it’s more polite than saying, “I like having sex with you. And, you know, other stuff.”

Yeah, this is different. I’m ALONE.

I just dropped a piece of popcorn (yes, I’m eating popcorn too) and I rushed to pick it up because I expected the dog to grab it.

HOOOOO-LEEEEEE S***. I miss the dog too.

I’m eating because I don’t know what else to do.

I keep expecting the front door to open because she just went to the store.

AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Man, I wish everyone in the world is able to find what I found with my girl. For those that can relate, you already know the harsh lesson I had to learn today. When you genuinely meet your other half, the one that you love above ANYTHING else, it’s the greatest feeling in the world. But man, when that’s taken away, it’s rough. I’m happy because we have a plan to get that fiance visa, but until we’re together in the same place again, I think I’ll always be just a little bit lonely.

In other words, love is a motherf*****.

The end.

P.S. I’m giving myself two days max for this pity party and then it’s time to start making this new dream happen.

Adventures in Photography: Messing with Lighting

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My girlfriend is heading back to Sweden this weekend (sigh). Fear not! She’ll be back and when she does, we’ll be getting married! For now, here are some photos starring my lady. The purpose of this was actually to toy with lighting and different exposure settings. No filters on these!

By the way, if anyone has suggestions and tips when it comes to lighting (I’m a super amateur), leave a comment and let me know!

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Argh…. I’d like this one more if the background was freaking straight. Noob move.

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Peace out, party people.

Previously: Snow Day!

The Ramblings Podcast: Episode 39 – My Girlfriend Is a Coconut

The Ramblings Podcast: Episode 39 - My Girlfriend Is a Coconut

After taking some time off from podcasting and blogging, I’m back with another episode of The Ramblings Podcast! My Girlfriend joins me as we discuss the book she’s writing, global racism, adoption, and class issues. You know, after all these serious topics, I think Thursday’s episode will be a lot more lighthearted. For now, enjoy as we drop some knowledge!

Run time: 41:07

Download Here | iTunes | RSS Feed

Previously: Episode 38 – Leaf Is Still Cranky

Spoken Word Piece: Untitled

Photo Credit: Carmen Eisbär
Photo Credit: Carmen Eisbär

This is actually a verse from a song I wrote for my girlfriend’s birthday. Not quite spoken word, but I figured I’d still share it.

It’s been a minute and a half since I wanted to take a chance
Let’s dance in the rain
Or maybe lay under the sunrays forgetting what some say
Because right now is better than some day yo wait
Let our fingers intermingle, get familiar
I feel ya, I’m going all in, tell the dealer
Healer of the spirit painting smiles on my face
We could even slow it down like the flow on Ma-
Son Betha never ever start wishing for forever
Cause the clever heart knows that it changes with the weather
But right now all I see are clear skies
Reflected inside the eyes of a lady that I spy
Multiplied so I’m really floating on cloud nine hundred and 99
Ok I lied ‘cause you inspired this rhyme
That means, your beauty is so fly you caused creativity
Just from your energy entering me
Can I return the favor? Invade your inner walls, calling your name
Cause this moment is all we have, so let’s savor the pain
And pleasure and realize that they’re one and the same

Previously: The Unlearning of One

The Ramblings Podcast: Episode 32 – The Beauty of Smiling, the Ugliness of Unspoken Abuse, and the Miracle of Now

The Ramblings Podcast: Episode 32 - The Beauty of Smiling, the Ugliness of Unspoken Abuse, and the Miracle of Now

I’m solo (AGAIN) this week. Leaf has some stuff for work going on so I’m not sure when he’ll be back on yet. For now, I’m back to my roots! Today I ramble about domestic and sexual abuse being a dirty little secret people don’t want to discuss, the absurdity of defending abusers, and why we’re all lucky (just to end on a positive note). Enjoy!

Run time: 52:13

Download Here | iTunes | RSS Feed

Previously: Episode 31 – My Girlfriend and I Discuss Relationships, Pepe Le Pew Is a Rapist, and Whether or Not a Perfect World Can Happen